Listening Well

When I am listened to from the heart,
extraordinary things happen:

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– I come alive
– Growth occurs
– Walls disintegrate
– I feel valued
– I reveal my undiscovered uniqueness
– The healing process begins
– We benefit each other

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SIGNS OF A GOOD LISTENER

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· Says ‘yes’ to me: an open, accepting posture of heart
· Listens to the silences, allowing growth gaps.
· Doesn’t presume to have the full truth.
· Senses what I am feeling.
· Steps inside my situation, walks in my shoes.
· Reflects my thoughts and feelings.
· Receives me as I am, judging nothing.
· Allows me to stumble over my words.
· Puts aside his / her own concerns and needs.
· Looks for the meaning behind my words.
· Checks to see if they understand my meaning.
· Helps me identify my positive thoughts and feelings.

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SIGNS OF A POOR LISTENER

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· Interrupts my flow of speech or thinking.
· Changes the subject.
· Thinks of her / his reply while I am speaking.
· Gives advice rather than sharing in the search for answers.
· Generalizes by telling me that I am the same as everyone else.
· Jumps to conclusions and makes interpretations.
· Tries to ‘fix’ my problem.
· Moves mentally and emotionally outside my situation.
· Moves her / his hands or feet or bodily position a lot.
· Says, “the same thing happened to me”.
· Feels that he/she has to fill the pauses or silences.
· Avoids my questions.
· Focuses only on my negative thoughts and feelings.

© Amitabha Hospice Service Trust